I don’t know how to write this post. Really, I don’t. I’m not truth-bomb mom, or some of the other viral personalities online you’ve actually heard of. I’m just a person sharing stuff online. I hope it reaches someone who needs it.
The world of psychiatric diagnosis is fraught with peril, danger, setback, and occasionally triumph. In the past 11 years, I’ve slogged through peril, spent most of it in setback, and as of a week ago, I’m caught between danger and triumph.
See, when I was nineteen, I talked to a doctor about depression. Enter setback one. I spent two weeks on a rather famous (or maybe it’s infamous) SSRI. For the uninitiated, SSRI is pharma-code for selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor and Mayo Clinic can explain what it does. That fortnight, I discovered that it’s possible to be so stuck in euphoria you don’t notice a migraine. I stopped taking it, but I was still having trouble so I turned to science!
Well, I turned to critical thinking at least. Some very close blood relatives had the attention deficit hyperactivity disorder tag, so I decided to get an evaluation while I still had access to one. Three hours of tests and at least one energy drink later, I had a ten page analysis declaring I had ADHD and also maybe this little thing called cyclothymia. I latched on to the first diagnosis.
I couldn’t believe ADHD might just be a masquerade for the real challenge.
Eleven years later, and I’m staring a bipolar diagnosis in the face. My psychiatrist also mentioned a second disorder that I’m not ready to mention publicly yet. For now, I just want to start blogging again. I want to get active online again. So I will.
I’ve let the unknown get in my way for too long. Yeah, I’m scared. I’m also excited. I finally know what dragons I’m trying to tame. Please have patience with me while I do.